Letting Go

The Universe has been speaking, but I haven't been listening. No, let me clarify... the Universe has been screaming and I've been ignoring it. Until today. I suddenly woke up this morning and heard the words in my soul, "Let Go". Clearly. It is time for me to let go. Disclaimer: (umm... I'm not a mom of little girls, so "Frozen" is not what I have in mind here) ha.

I have tried to control situations that I simply cannot control. Like a wind-up toy, I awaken each morning with a renewed sense of energy and by the end of the day, have felt wound down. Instead, I am going to chant "let go, let go".

I am a substitute teacher, which means that I cannot control everything that happens at school or in my classroom. That does not mean I do not have control over carefully cultivated lesson plans, but I do not have control of schedule changes. The dynamics at this utopia school are what they are and I must accept that. Be grateful for this opportunity and let the rest go.

I have worked hard to polish my resume, update the on-line application system and send out emails to principals. Now, I must let go and wait to see who contacts me. I cannot control how a huge school system operates. Cannot control which schools will have openings. Cannot control how/when/why I will or will not get a permanent teaching position for next year. In the meanwhile, all I can do is let go.

I am away from the house so many hours, I do not have control over every single domestic task. Some things are just not going to be accomplished like they did when I was at home. I'm letting go. The furniture will get dusty. The bathrooms will be cleaned less often. But, the walls will not crumble and the roof will not fall down in the process. It's okay. I can let go.

I write poems; write books and submit them for publication. I cannot control what will be accepted and what will be rejected. I must let go. Believe in myself. Put my head back down and work again and in the process, accept what will be.

Finally, no matter my facial expressions or the work my students produce or how hard I strive to serve this school, I cannot control what other people will think of me. I must let it go. I am done overanalyzing every little thing. It will drive me crazy. Let go.

And when I let go, I believe that I will better enjoy the process and I believe that is the key to life. Enjoy the ride. Nothing is forever; that much, I know.