With Privilege Comes Responsibility

I'm one of those fortunate wife/mothers who was gifted the privilege of leaving my career in order to take care of my family for several years. I say privilege because that is exactly what it was. No matter my family suffered from serious medical issues. Many mothers still have to work while caring for their families. And when I say work, I mean work-outside-of-the-house. Make no mistake. Working at home was still working. And working hard. Only, without pay. Without an "ending" hour. Without lunches and moments of laughter with colleagues.

However, I guess it didn't occur to me how hard it would be to re-enter the work force. Perhaps because I'm in my late forties, I'm feeling the stress of the rollercoaster emotions that come with interviewing, being declined, anxiety in wait wait waiting to "hear back". Of course, I look forward to my "hit". I mean, it only takes one job offer to be successful in this endeavor. In the meanwhile, I pray for dignity, grace, patience and fortitude.

Also, perhaps because when I was much younger, I was a rising star in my career. One principal actually called me a "hot shot" and called me with the job offer before I even returned home from the interview. Now, there is a whole younger generation of "hot shots" that are my competition. Not that I'm complaining. I'm not. I'm simply reflecting on the weirdness of suddenly being older and thinking, "what in the what what?"

I have to admit, I was a bit stunned when I returned to the classroom this fall at a substitute teacher. I wasn't used to so much physical stimulation that comes with a school full of kids after years of quiet days. I've had to build my physical stamina, as well. No nap times during a full school day. No curling up with a book for a half an hour. I jumped full-throttle back into teaching. It's exhilarating, but exhausting. And of course, I still have all of the responsibilities at home that I used to have.

What working mother doesn't, though? I'm certainly not alone. I remind myself to "get going with the get go" all day long. When I awaken at 5:30 a.m. I pray, "Thank you for having a school to go to today." Count blessings; don't list grievances. I get that.

I just didn't understand when I left my career how arduous a journey it would be to re-enter.